I need to tell you guys something. Now to some of you this may not be that big of a deal, but to me it’s become a huge deal.
This past year I’ve drifted away from God and my relationship with Him.
I grew up in a godly and Christian home, so why did this happen?
Because I started doing the things that Chloe’ wanted to do, and not what I knew that God wanted me to do.
I wanted it my way and my way only and it was great at first. Then one day I woke up and it wasn’t so great like I thought it would be.
In fact it was awful and I was miserable. Yet I still continued to do my own thing.
It was stupid, I was acting stupid for not stopping what I was doing, but for some reason I didn’t want to stop it.
Then one day I woke up freaking out. I mean full on freak out. My stomach hurt, I was crying, I didn’t want to go back to sleep because of how scared I was.
I knew something had to change- I knew I needed to change.
So I did.
I cried, I prayed, I cried some more. I asked for forgiveness, for help, for guidance, for a new start.
That wasn’t enough though, I knew I needed to do more if I was going to actually change.
So I went to YouTube and I un-subscribed to every channel and person that wasn’t going to help me in my new walk with Christ.
After that it was time to go to Pandora and delete every channel that wasn’t going to help me in my walk with Christ. Now the Celtic Woman channel, and all piano and violin ones stayed.
Same with the music I bought for my phone.
Honestly, after that I felt like I was actually turning a new leaf as people say.
Now you may be wondering why this was such a big deal to me. Like I previously said, I grew up in a Christian home my whole life. My Mum has always told my sister and I a verse from James chapter 4 verse 17- “If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.”
This means when you know what is good and what is wrong, yet choose to ignore the good you’re sinning, I was sinning, and let me tell you that didn’t feel good at all.
Having that be brought to my mind everyday made me so sick and it got to the point where I asked myself why was I still doing what I knew was wrong. Why was I being so dumb and so stubborn?
I don’t have an answer other than I wanted to. Plain and simple.
It got to the point where I was sick and tired, and I was ashamed of myself.
What Chloe’ wants to do is going to the back burner.
What God wants Chloe’ to do is going on the front burner, and it is going to stay that way.
I’ve started reading my Bible more, I’ve started praying more, and I’ve started to make my relationship with Christ first more.
The reason I wanted to share this with everyone is because I believe that we need to let people know when we messed up. I still struggle with my pride and would normally hate to post something so personal with everyone. That is something I’m having to daily battle.
What I am so thankful for is that God wipes our slate clean when we come to Him, and that He will help us overcome the things we struggle with.
I know this has been kind of rant-y and all, but I wanted to share what’s been on my mind for a while.
In closing I want to share a verse that is my memory verse for the week with my Bible study I am currently doing.
“For by grace you are saved through faith, and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God; it is not from works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9