Y’all this post is not going to be a cheerful or happy post at all…..this is a post where I want to be honest with y’all. 100% honest. Life right now is hard. Y’all I’m struggling and I’m usually the type of person to act like I got it together. I don’t like for people to see me as I am right now- sad, worried, stressed, insecure. I’d rather make it seem that I have my life together and that everything in life is going just fine.
The truth is I don’t know how I’m going to make it this month. This month is killing me financially and it just started. When I say I’m ready for my income tax returns I mean it in a way as in “this will help me pull through” and I’m praying it won’t take long for me to get it back. I honestly need what money I’m getting back to help me get back on my feet.
I’m worried and stressed about if I’m going to be able to go back to school at all this year. I’m paying off college accounts and one school’s payment is impossible to pay off it seems right now. I need to go back to school while I can before I get to the point where I give up, but sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get to go back. I know I need to just keep doing my best to get to that point, but it’s hard to think positive at times, you know?
I’ve screwed up in friendships, areas of life, and more. I’ve pushed people that I didn’t want to push away by my actions when I was frustrated. I’ve messed up when I could’ve had some amazing opportunities come my way and missed them. Tell me it’s not just me that will think of all the things I’ve missed and think “Man, what a horrible mess I am?” I do that a lot even though it’s not the best thing to do.
Lastly I’m tired, tired of all the stress, the worry, the frustration, the sadness, of feeling alone even though there are so many wonderful people around me. This is life, and it’s hard and all that. I do know that it will get better, but I’m at the point where I’m wondering when it will get better.
If you’re feeling like me and are stuck in this never ending valley, I’ll be praying for you. Yes it’s hard and yes it feels like it’ll never get better, but we got to hope it does and work towards that. I’m sorry for the slightly depressing post, but I wanted to share my heart with y’all tonight. Have a good night everyone.